October 26, 2012

i think i need to stop watching the news for a while

First it was the story about a middle school girl here in CO who was abducted from school and soon after murdered. I prayed earnestly for her safe return, but her teenage captor carried out his horrific plans. Then I saw that another girl in NJ was just murdered by two teen boys. Now, this morning, I saw on national news that a nanny in NY brutally stabbed two toddlers and killed herself. I cried on the outside.

Inside I am on my knees, screaming, holding my hands to my ears because I can't bear to hear it. I am also filled with hatred for, and ready to fight and defeat, the enemy - the one who seeks to utterly destroy all of God's children through whatever means possible.

What if my son became someone's victim? What if he grew up to be some innocent child's tormentor?

The heavy, inevitable irony of knowing that I ultimately have no control over my son's fate is crushing. Like every parent, I want to shield my son from the evil that surrounds us in this world. It is horrific, undiscriminating, rampant, bloodthirsty, and ever-increasing. The days truly are evil.

Sometimes I want to come unhinged when I hear about another death, knowing this is someone's dear child and so is the perpetrator. I don't quite know how to sort out this reality in my mind and heart. Yet, suffering and sorrow and the gut-wrenching reality of our world is with us every day, and we still choose to have children and infuse them with all of our hopes and dreams for the future as they continue whatever legacies we clothe them with.

I need to seek God's heart and will in this. I'll post again when I've done so.