October 5, 2012

hurry up and sleep, me!

I'm tired. Tired of being tired. I'm guessing that being tired is just one reason why I've come down with my third cold this year (the other would likely be daycare).

At first, sleeping was easy. Not because I slept a lot after the boy was born, but because I became a master at sleeping whenever I had the opportunity. Not so anymore - he's been sleeping through the night for months, while my own sleeping habits have gone from "light" to "abysmal." Most nights I'm able to fall asleep, but I wake up 4-6 times a night (yeah, not very restful). Occasionally I will lay awake for hours with some stupid song in my head while my brain refuses to settle down. God has given me supernatural strength to perform well at work and do good parenting regardless of how little sleep I've had, and for that I am really grateful.

I know the bedtime routines to follow. I've been drinking warm milk just before bedtime for a while. But it just. Keeps. Getting. Worse. So I went to complain to a doctor, who gave me a prescription of something very mild. I took half a pill last night. I slept reasonably well until the boy woke us up about 5:20. He went back to sleep right away. I did not. Sigh...

Maybe it's the gunshot race-pace of daily life, the ever-present knowledge that No Housework Is Ever Done, making sure the boy is well-fed and well-rested, efforts to maintain relationships with my husband and the world at large, trying to stay productive at work, going through Weight Watchers (down 12 lbs so far), squeezing in at least a couple of workouts a week, shopping for and cooking food, trying to round up the papers so we can close on a mortgage re-fi, checking Fac.ebook - you know, the usual.

Insomnia with a child that sleeps 10-12 hours a night is so completely unfair. I'm trying to pray into this more and let God show me why this is happening. I'm going to a lifestyle coaching session in a few weeks to see what they say about it. Otherwise, I'm kind of stumped. I can't really be less busy - the boy's needs will only increase as he gets older. One thing we definitely need to do is hire a cleaning service. Then at least I wouldn't have that albatross hanging on my shoulders every day. Now if only I can remember to find one and hire them!

I asked the doc when I might find that rhythm again - a new equilibrium. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.