March 12, 2011

I give myself permission to enjoy this

It's amazing how the unresolvedness (if that's a real word - if not I still think it fits) of IF can put a shadow over everything in life. I've noticed that I have been wearing some shade of gray almost every day. Of course, it's all the rage in fashion right now, but still... It makes it hard to be optimistic about things, to plan for the future (out of fear, insecurity etc.). Sometimes having something fun to look forward to makes a big difference.

So, in that spirit along with the fact that we've been postponing this for a couple years now, I booked a trip to Paris with my mom in April.  Five nights and four days of museums, strong coffee, French food and spiderweb streets. I've been there twice before, never for more than two days, and what I love about the city is the rhythm. I could wake up and sit drinking coffee for quite a while before wandering out - something I love to do. I'm definitely going to do a bit of shopping - since they're on the forefront of fashion, anything I buy will get far more mileage in Colorado.

Someone recently asked if I was excited, and I replied yeah sort of, but not yet. Why not? Because time goes far too slow when I'm really anxious for something exciting, and I'd rather not aggravate myself that way. It makes sense to me anyway. But then they pointed out how the anticipation and planning of a vacation is half the fun for them, and I thought "well maybe I am missing something." So, with their advice, I am giving myself permission to give myself over to the excitement of daydreaming and planning. Throwing my heart over the fence as my friend would say.

Now how far is that wine bar from our hotel...