I was relating my paranoid state of mind to a good friend a few weeks, trying to share what was on my heart about how tough this really is for me, and maybe hoping for some words of wisdom when she laid that one on me. My response was carefully constructed cynical laughter laced with an unexpressed middle finger.
Oh, okay! I'll just quit worrying, cuz otherwise I'll kill the baby! LOL No pressure there! Thanks, that's great advice.
May as well tell me not to think about white elephants no matter what I do or a bomb will explode every ten seconds. Oh, okay! No problem.
All sarcasm aside, I understand that a stressful emotional environment is not the best for a growing fetus. Which is why I do try to visualize positive things, pray every day and ask for peace, and recently started reading the book Battlefield of the Mind.
Yeah, I get it. Our thought lives do actually influence our external lives. But rather than creating a vacuum by trying not to think of spotting or having a bad ultrasound or any of the other nasties that can spell doom to a growing baby, I need to know what to replace the thoughts with and, really, how to do it.
And how to deal with the occasional nightmares. Like last night, in which I dreamed that I drowned a tiny kitten in a bathtub and shoved it down the drain. I cried this morning telling DH about it. I'm fine now, recognizing a dream for a dream. But still.
Any advice from those who've fought and won this battle?