November 19, 2014

the redemption

The other night, I was sitting in a restaurant with two women -- one a good friend who'd supported me through my entire motherhood journey, the other a friend of hers who'd joined our prayer study. We were talking about dreams and visions, and I recalled one that I haven't shared in this blog before.

On a random day at the gym, early in my pregnancy, I saw a vision. First I saw a woman with long, dark hair (who I assumed was my OB-GYN) delivering our baby. Next, I saw my husband in a t-shirt holding the baby. I understood clearly that God was telling me Everything Will Be Okay. Visions for me are very rare, so I paid attention and was shocked to the core.

Here is how things came full circle to fulfill my vision.

On a snowy evening the day after Mother's Day 2010, I went to the hospital where I learned I was experiencing my first miscarriage. Days later, I went to a clinic across the street from my OB-GYN to have my D&C to clear out the tissue and prevent infection. The doctor who helped me had long, dark hair and empathetic eyes. It was first day of the worst year of my life.

At 5:00 a.m. in late February 2012, I began the labor pains that, 22 hours later, would bring me my son. My OB was unavailable that day.

Guess who showed up to deliver him?

As I told this ironic part of my story, the other friend (who may just become mine as well) spoke up and told me that as she was listening, one word flashed through her mind. Redemption.

That word was for me.

Redemption from the ashes of my miscarriages to the miracle of our child. Redemption from the pain and guilt of delaying parenthood to the humbling, awe-inspiring bliss of overcoming infertility.

The dictionary has seven definitions for Redemption:
1. an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.
2. deliverance; rescue.
3. Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.
4. atonement for guilt.
5. repurchase, as of something sold.
6. paying off, as of a mortgage, bond, or note.
7. recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

Redeemed. Rescued. Atoned. Recovered. All that and more, Lord, all that and more.