In a book about mothering, I read recently that the average woman goes through some kind of life transition about every 3 years. Looking at my life, I know the author is right. Apparently it’s time for me to brace myself for the winds of change again.
Last month, I blogged about experiencing what must be the onset of perimenopause (or the coming apocalypse of my reproductive system). Yesterday I learned that my position will more than likely be phased out due to budget cuts, and my boss is very kindly giving me a heads up to start looking.
At first I didn’t want to tell my husband for fear of worrying him before I had some kind of good news to go with it, like I Have a Plan! or Guess Where I’m Going to Start Working? But I confessed my situation early this morning and he was grateful for it.
As usual, I want to be wildly optimistic about my choices given my level of experience and strong networking ties. But I also don’t want to make any choices out of fear, jumping to a rock just because it gets me out of the creek. In other words, I’m scared. Which makes me angry. But I don’t have any person to be angry with, including myself, so it just frustrates me.
The hardest part about being in any tough situation is to just be in it. To not jump for safety or solve the problem as fast as possible, but to reach for God’s hand and be quiet and wait. And so I am. Kind of.
The Lord has brought me through the hell of infertility, through multiple layoffs, through bad relationships, and toward peace in every situation. In short, he gives me what I need most: Himself. And that is certainly what I need now.
My biggest question isn’t where I should work, but how. Full time? Part time? Contract? Ugh.
I’m putting out feelers and inquiries in a few key places today, and trusting God to lead me where he wants me to go. To me, that’s what waiting on the Lord means – doing what’s in front of me and looking for his guidance along the way, knowing that by putting my life in his hands I can rest knowing that he will lead me toward peace.
The irony of my daily devotional never ceases to amaze me.
So we say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”