February 27, 2013

"I don't remember it being this hard."

I asked my MIL how she ever dealt with two little ones, given the challenges I have right now which she's witnessed during her visit with us, and that was her response. I'm thinking, Really? How can someone who's raised two boys and spent A LOT of time with a grandchild under 3 somehow think that things were easier? Is it just me? Am I insane?

Deeeep breath.

Yesterday I lost it. Lost my temper - on the changing table of all places. Now that the boy is 1 year old, he squirms and grabs and launches his midsection in the air whenever I go to change his diaper, change his clothes, get him ready for a bath or anything else. Every. Single. Time. All I wanted to do was put his pants back on, and it went like this:

remove pants
put his arms back on the table as he grabs on to the side to flip himself over
hand him a toy
watch him toss it behind the table so it goes to the floor between the dresser and wall
how many objects do I need to fetch with the golf club today?
grab another toy
change his diaper
toy gets tossed
meanwhile, little hands go to explore dirty privates
oh, for the love!
grab wipes
wipe little hands
clean privates
hold feet firmly in the air to finish, even as he tries to pull them back
hold body backside down so he doesn't flip over (screaming ensues)
grab another toy
start making funny sounds he can imitate
get new diaper on
watch him flip over on his tummy and onto his knees
wait - can i at least put your pants back on? no?
flip him back over to get pants on (screaming ensues)
get one leg in
leg comes out
get leg in
if it's the last thing I do...
get other leg in, and it goes in the same pant leg
meanwhile, other leg comes out (still writhing and wriggling and protest crying)

On and on and on this goes. By which time, I am ready to slam a few margaritas. And, in an unguarded moment, I threw down his pants, yelled "DAMMIT!!" and let DH finish the job while I walked outside to get the mail and some desperately-needed fresh winter air.

Oh - did I mention my little adventurer is breaking in four teeth right now?

Yeah, it was that kind of day (though not all day long). And it happened to be his birthday. And all I wanted to do was descend into a pile of sh*t for feeling like the piece of sh*t I felt like.

And like every day, bedtime came and I mentally hit the reset button before turning off the light.

Today is a new day and the sun seemed especially bright and clear this morning, as if to remind me that spring really is just around the corner even though it was only 18 degrees. Today my MIL is taking care of my son alone at home, and I'm sure it will be great (though I'll be very interested to hear how the day goes and I pray it goes well).

I will look back on this day and laugh. Actually, reading about the changing table episode now, it is kind of hilarious.