random thoughts: trouble going down

You know your husband is having a hard time getting your toddler down for the night when you hear the little one cry "Mommy.... hellp!"

random thoughts: blessed milestone

Happiness is sneezing and having your toddler turn around and say "bless you."

Blessed indeed.

i give up (for now)

"If it's the last thing I do, I will get out this door!" That's what I told my son and myself this morning as I shut the front door and headed for the car. Well, I did get out the door. 

It's been one of those mornings. Didn't sleep well thanks to the upstairs neighbor's floor giving a loud CRRRACCK!! as they walked around in the night (and a cold that's trying to catch me). My son is a little whiny from a cold that's caught him and some molar teething. I put together dinner in the slow cooker, something that was supposed to take 15 minutes that ended up taking over an hour -- especially once I found out my son had permanently relocated my can opener. It seemed the faster I moved, the slower I got things done.

And then came the battle of the jacket, the battle of the shoes, the screaming match getting into the car seat, and subsequent screaming once I got myself in the car.

It wasn't even 10:00 and I'd had enough. 

I got us out of the car and my son was perfectly content to march right back home with me where we stayed the rest of the day. I guess he didn't want to go anywhere, and he clung to me like static electricity as I cried a little bit, and then for the next couple hours.

I guess we were better off this way, and he's been pretty happy the rest of the day, which leads me to today's toddler tip from the trenches: If you have to move heaven and earth just to get out the door, sometimes it's better to just stay home.

random thoughts: passing the time in sub-zero weather

Indoors all day with a toddler? Just follow his lead -- roll around on the couch, throw some toys around, tickle each other, eat, nap, eat some more, and when all else fails blow bubbles.

learning to eat one pea at a time

I haven't been blogging much, mostly because I feel like I repeat myself (stress! insomnia! tantrums!) and am otherwise getting us ready to move in a couple weeks. That said, I'm taking a minute to document some minor milestones in my son's dining repertoire.

He's 21 months old now, and I'm not sure what kind of cup he should drink from or how adept he should be at using kid-sized flatware but I'm learning not to care about the little things. I know he needs to move away from sippy cups that could impact his teeth so, for the most part, he's using the ones that don't have the silicone mouth pieces. Whenever I remember, I give him a few tablespoons of water in a regular plastic cup so he can practice (which he's quite good at, but usually resorts to dumping food into it or tipping it upside down so that transition is a ways off). I offer him flatware at most meals and am learning to just not pay attention to whether he's using them or not -- except I make a point to encourage him when he does use them.

The milestones:

• Recently I realized that he doesn't make nearly the mess he used to. I'm no longer the human Zamboni, wiping up gobs of food from the floor every day. 
• He asks for milk by name. He sometimes asks for juice, but we almost never have any and therefore neither does he. He's better off as far as his teeth and temperament are concerned.
• Yesterday he ate peas with his spoon. This is huge! It's always been finger food. Hey, I'll take a win where I can.

The yet-to-be-improved:

• Throwing food, utensils, cups, plates, or whatever else is in reach continues to drive me batty. I give him a firm "no" and take everything away. If I can tell he still wants to eat, I hand it back with a warning, but the second time it happens the meal is over. 
• Oatmeal still apparently makes a nice hair accessory.

I know, it's a process. And often I forget that he's not even 2 years old yet, so I take a deep breath and embrace him right where he is. Because he's beautiful just the way he is.

independence is overrated

I had things to do. Didn't do them. Tried to go for a walk around the lake but couldn't because of pulled muscles in both legs. Definitely didn't want to do chores, though that's really my job these days especially when the boy is in daycare.

This time, I wasn't bored. I was lost.

At the lake, I started wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Depressed? No. Anxious? Not at this point. Numb? I guess. What I really was, was lonely. Even though life with my son is a rollercoaster that never stops, I start to miss him when I'm by myself. I love my husband of course, and I love the days when he works from home. But after 12 years of marriage I'm pretty good at spending time on my own for short periods. I just don't want to (he feels the same way). I'd rather just be with my family.

When I was working, it was different. I was engaged in developing content, solving problems, and managing projects. I can't say I was emotionally invested in my work but it was certainly rewarding intellectually. But that time made family time all the more precious. It's just weird.

Being alone all day kind of sucks. It doesn't inspire me to pursue playing guitar (though I fantasize about it often), or kick-start me into cleaning house no matter how many times I pick up crumbs with my bare feet (as much as it pisses me off). I think I don't care anymore about being independent, being exceptionally self-reliant, or possessing much of the pioneer spirit that defines our great country. Instead, I wish my family lived in the same state. I wish I was wealthy enough to fly every year to see everybody (though now at least they don't have as many excuses not to fly here since we're about to move into a 5-bedroom house). I miss having work friends, even though they all fall off the planet the minute I leave a company (don't tell me this doesn't happen everywhere). I miss my best friend whom I emailed with almost daily while I was working, but has practically disappeared now that I'm not.

I think being a little co-dependent and admitting I need someone isn't so terrible. This from the daughter of one of the founding members of the National Organization for Women, and the granddaughter of a woman who forged a strong family almost in spite of her husband. Trust me -- independence and You Can Do It! is in my blood.

I decided today that I really need to work. I'm really trying now to find something, and would love to get going in January. I'm doing all I can from my end, but otherwise I have no control over what happens. It's not up to me and sometimes that's hard. I want to be able to make it happen and I just can't. Someone else has to decide that they want to hire me. Hurry up and wait.

In the meantime, I am going to make a stronger effort to practice gratitude in the moment. I am blessed beyond belief.

random thoughts: nobody ever said to never wake a toddler

If I can't remember how long my son has been sleeping, does that mean I have to wake him up?