18 ways my child embodies faith

In my prayer group this week, we took turns praying for each other and asked God to give us words and pictures to help the person we were praying for. What God revealed to each of us was healing, profound, and intense -- especially for me, which was unexpected. Prayers and deep longings that I never thought to ask for (and didn't then) were revealed and answered. Most of it is too deeply personal to share, except what the Lord had to tell me about my son.

As a toddler, right now my son perfectly embodies what it means to have faith like a child. In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, Jesus said “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁷ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” (Luke 18:16-17) Among His other words for me, I have been meditating on this one to try and understand it as deeply as possible.

Little children have many behaviors in common, but here I am building a list of my son's characteristics that I can see the embodiment of faith in. So far I can see 87 ways my child embodies faith:

1. Trusting completely
2. Open eyes
3. Open heart
4. Curiosity
5. Always learning, growing, and changing
6. Following after his parents, yearning for closeness
7. A mix of independence and utter dependence
8. Accepting gentle instruction and guidance
9. Feeling safe in his parents' arms
10. Separation anxiety
11. Tantrums (don't we all get upset when we don't get our way?)
12. Uninhibited nature
13. Unquestioning love
14. Without shame or ego
15. Thriving in his parents' joy and approval
16. Occasional doubt and rebellion
17. Pouting after discipline, but always seeking restoration
18. Loving fun and laughter

Some of the things on this list aren't shiny and pretty. But you know what? Real faith is just that. It is unique to each person. It is a relationship and a journey with no end. In a way, I envy my son for his pureness and simple beauty. I guess that in itself is a reflection of faith and the kingdom: Purity. Simplicity. Beauty.

With that in mind, what is Jesus saying when he tells us to accept the kingdom like a little child? Perhaps the way a child accepts his parents: Following. Yearning. Loving. Open. Uninhibited. Pure.

jesus vs yoga part 2

Everything comes down to love. That is the deepest lesson I can learn as a follower of Jesus, whether it's about my faith or someone else's.

After my first post on jesus vs yoga, a wiser person than me invited me to study Romans 14. The book of Romans was (by most accounts) written by Paul, who was busy trying to wipe out Christians until Jesus intervened and gave him new life. I point this out to underscore the irony of a man who had once been defined completely by religious legalism that later showed how much more important love is.

In his letter to the Romans, Paul urges us to resist judging each other and recognize that each person's walk of faith is unique. My relationship with Jesus looks different than my husband's, my friend's, and anyone else's. Such is the beauty of God and faith. And because of this, I have the responsibility of working out my own faith rather than being overtly concerned about a friend's whose faith may just be weaker than mine. My faith is strong enough that I can, in fact, do yoga exercises without absorbing the tenets of other religions and philosophies that are not in line with biblical theology. They're just poses, after all. While that may look different for someone else, the best thing for me to do is love my friend and, if asked, explain why I'm taking a break from yoga for a while.

Paul uses the analogy of food and drink, which was a far more divisive issue in that day than it is now. But, lest we think he's only talking about food, he then uses the example of how one person considers a day sacred while another considers the whole week sacred. Both do so to honor God, so it doesn't really matter.

If I believe in my heart, after careful prayer and discernment, that I can do yoga exercises without compromising my relationship with Jesus, then I should as long as by doing so I don't hurt someone else's faith journey.

22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

That second sentence really stood out for me, and I'll be meditating on it more. May your journey of faith bring you closer to Jesus and deeper into love.

jesus vs yoga

I have practiced yoga for about 6 years, though I have been a follower of Jesus for much longer. And now, though I've consciously deleted the Eastern mysticism aspect from my yoga practice, I suddenly find myself at odds with it and am considering another path to wellness.

Yesterday, I went with a friend to an outdoor yoga session, which on this particular day was free and open to the public. My friend is a yoga instructor, and though I don't know her very well I do know that she loves yoga and loves the Lord.

As we waited for the session to begin, we talked about her vision to help young women who've been victims of abuse by teaching directed yoga classes. She admitted a specific fear of moving forward with this, and I started to see the conflict that she may or may not be aware of.

All morning -- before, during, and after the session -- I felt ill at ease with the entire event. From the emcee's "Namaste" greeting (which I replace with God Bless You), to the encouragement of bending my "third eye" to the mat in submission, to the ending relaxation which was organized to look like a gigantic hug in the shape of a heart while we were encouraged to feel the connection with each other and everything else -- I felt the conflict in my heart and asked Jesus for help.

Why was I feeling this now? Maybe it's because my friend shared a great deal of how much she believes in the yoga practice and its associated Eastern philosophies such as chakras, and I knew I was hearing blasphemy. If my friend didn't see the conflict, I certainly did, and it made me very uncomfortable. But I thanked her for the experience and went on with my day. Later, my husband asked me why I didn't enjoy it. I told him "I felt like everyone there were true believers, and I just couldn't drink the punch." Later that day, and this morning, I have been researching this conflict so I can be better informed.

I am praying now for wisdom and discernment, and asking God to reveal the plank in my eye long before I even consider pointing out a speck in my friend's eye, lest I reveal myself as a hypocrite for practicing yoga at all.

The question is, can a person love Jesus and enjoy yoga?

Instructors run the gamut from the spiritually removed to true believers, so influence could be a matter of who I'm learning the practice from. I use the analogy of horoscopes: Reading a horoscope in the newspaper is fairly harmless and far removed from drawing my own astrology charts, but at the end of the day my indulgence in it takes me away from Jesus and toward self-worship by seeking my own answers to life's questions instead of asking Jesus for his guidance. So I don't do it anymore. Why would yoga be any different, especially since its original philosophies, which are still current, are diametrically opposed to biblical teaching?

This is the question I am now asking myself, and the obvious conclusion is that it isn't and I need to make a change.

I admit that it makes me a little sad, but instead of signing up for my regular yoga class at the gym I'm going to try pilates which does not involve any spirituality and includes all of the stretching, strengthening, and concentration that I love so much. There are plenty of other Christians who've turned yoga around as a Christ-centered spiritual practice, and I might check out a DVD to see if it works for me. But since I really want to get out of the house for this kind of exercise, I'll see if pilates scratches the itch without exposing myself to deeper wounds.

a simple prayer

I love that my son is growing up in the church, and that from his earliest years he's being introduced to the god of the universe as the loving, perfect god He is who wants to live with him forever. And very slowly, I'm trying to reflect my beliefs in front of him so he grows up understanding that I believe every word that I just said.

So far, I don't often get take that opportunity. I miss learning moments of pointing out God's creation, I swear too often, and I'm not exactly reading Bible verses out loud day and night. But I'm learning to do one or two things consistenty, and one of those things is prayer.

I pray with, or rather for, my son every night that I tuck him in. The Lord's prayer is way beyond his comprehension, let alone memorization, and the old "Now I lay me down to sleep" has always sounded morbid to me. Why would I die before I wake? Gives me the creeps. So I made up my own. It's simple and focuses on gratitude first.

Thank you Jesus for today
Thank you for my family
Protect me as I go tomorrow
In Jesus' name
Amen.

Some nights he repeats some of the words like "today" or "tomorrow." Sometimes he folds his hands along with me. He usually says Amen after me. Most of the time he's content to just listen and absorb it as another bedtime routine, which suits me fine. And some nights I actually forget. Fortunately, God's not checking an attendance sheet.

Another prayer we do together when we think of it is saying grace at the dinner table. I won't even tell you how rare this is, but we've nailed down a simple format that he'll memorize without too much trouble.

Bless the food
In Jesus' name
Amen.

Eventually I'll expand into other things like reading the Bible and praying with my son, and helping him express himself through prayer. But faith doesn't have to be complicated, because Jesus didn't come to start a religion. Simple is the way to go.

a blessing for mothers of young children

I came across this on someone else's blog and, after getting choked up a bit, knew I needed to repost it. Be encouraged!

"Oh, Mothers of young children, I bow before you in reverence. Your work is most holy. You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls. The powers folded up in the little ones that you hushed to sleep in your bosoms last night, are powers that shall exist forever. You are preparing them for their immortal destiny and influence. Be faithful. Take up your sacred burden reverently. Be sure that your life is sweet and clean."

-JR Miller, a 19th century preacher, The Family

the tug of war within

This evening, my son was finishing a bit of jello and drinking milk from his sippy cup. Well, that's a tidy way of putting what really happened - he was smashing the jello on his dinner tray and tipping over the sippy cup to get some milk to come out, then watching the puddle explode as he smashed it, then adding more milk, then more puddle smashing... You get the idea.

Normally I whisk everything away saying "All done!" to minimize the mess and to gradually guide him to just stopping or declaring "All done!" when he's finished instead of chucking food and liquids and containers every which way. But today I decided to observe him. I grabbed my phone and shot a quick video. I realized he'd figured out a way to sort of do finger painting with the jello and milk. And it was really kind of cool. Okay, so as soon as I shot the video I cleaned him up and all that, but still.

Now that he's only in day care 3 days a week, I'm starting to see what staying home really looks like. Granted, it's not the real thing. Not really - not when I have the place, and myself, all to myself for three whole days in a row, which most SAHMs don't have the luxury of. But it's starting to feel like... okay, maybe I really could survive this way. Maybe.

There lies my tug of war within.

Who's better off if I go back to work, really? Me? My retirement accounts? Costco?

This afternoon, I came home with the boy from a birthday party and he seemed to be confused as to whom he wanted to hold him. Daddy, then me, then no one, then Daddy... it was a bit awkward. I basically told my husband he needed to spend some dedicated time with our son to make sure that bond stays secure, especially with me spending so much more time with him. It came out a bit more simplistic than that the first time, but we talked about it later.

I want to think that my perfect vision of reality (working part-time until the boy starts school) really is possible. But I don't know that - not yet. I put out feelers, network like crazy, get my website and business networking profile spiffed up. And I wait. In purgatory. While the door of stay-at-home-motherhood creaks open just a bit more.

Meanwhile, I face the possibility of compromising or abandoning my prime earning years as a mid-career professional in my mid-40s (still trying to make peace with that mid-40s thing, but that's another blog post). I'll be the first to admit that I've never really taken my career as seriously as I could have - not until recently. And now that's all being called into question.

Just now I remembered something really important:

Sometime last year, I was at a small group (church) meeting and we were going around the room sharing how we picture Jesus. An image, a representation, what He means to us. I said that I picture myself in a little boat floating on a big ocean with whipping waves and storm clouds - and Jesus is the island in the storm. When, in fact, He's not just the island. He's the boat.

Meet Joel

I knew I shouldn't watch this at work, but did anyway (before anyone was near my desk, thankfully).

It is obvious that Jesus is carrying this family every day, and showing them how to be in the present at every moment while completely trusting Him and looking to Him for guidance. I'm deeply moved and humbled.

This mother's strength and faith are indescribably beautiful, as are dad and the rest of this family.

And when I feel overwhelmed by my comparatively teeny tiny load, I will remember "there's nothing wrong with being needed."

joyful exhaustion, or being mindful of today

Holiday Season 2012 has officially folded, and ushered in 2013. It has been one mind-blowing year. 

I gave birth to our one (and probably only) child. Changed jobs (at the same company). Learned the ropes of daycare, weaning, and multitasking like I've never done before in my life. Embraced many visiting relatives (and went to visit some over Christmas). And generally tried to figure out what life as a wife and mother looks like. 

Honestly, Christmas was an exhausting blur. We flew to Texas and stayed with DH's brother, SIL, and niece. We visited with them plus our son's grandmother, grandfather and step-grandmother. We made some new food discoveries, too: Turns out he loves stewed meat and veggies (the real thing), hates baby food unless it's fruity, and really loves chomping down dried seaweed snacks. Seriously - you must try this on your babe sometime. It's super healthy. I can give him a small sheet to take apart, though it's a bit tidier if I break it up into 1-inch chunks. He also enjoys whole wheat sandwiches filled with cheese or cream cheese. Plus, he's finally mastered the sippy cup.

Sure, it was cool watching my 10-month old son and his 3-year old cousin interact, but we also spent more of our time managing him instead of visiting like I had hoped (not sure what I was thinking there). And my SIL spent most of her time in the kitchen cooking, while my BIL was working 2 of the 4 days we were there. Also got our first taste of traveling with the boy, which even though it wasn’t horrible it was certainly challenging in its own way. We came back with the boy sick with a big cold and DH coming down with bronchitis. Fun. 

We did manage to get out for a few hours yesterday evening to join friends for dinner – other than that it was the three of us. Together. For almost two weeks. With a baby that suddenly crawls 100 mph, refuses to nap properly and entertain himself, and is recovering from a nasty cold. I was ready to pull my hair out.

DH and I talked about how incredibly exhausting it is right now, with our son so full of energy and getting into everything we don't want him to get into about every 45 seconds. And he's starting to prop himself up on his feet, which means walking (and running away from us) isn't far behind. 

If I sound like I'm complaining, well... partly. But I'm also excited to see him approach the next big milestone, and he's really happy and full of energy every day - even when he's clearly not feeling well. He's just a good baby who loves people, eats well and usually sleeps very well. 

If I'm honest, though, I have to admit that I think my current level of exhaustion has a lot to do with my age and only some to do with the challenges of my son's age. It's making me wonder how other 40-plus new moms deal with this. Energy - this kind of energy - doesn't come in a can. Ya gotta dig deep! 

As much as I have tried to focus on the birth of our Saviour - and I have - I've also had really big things in front of me that demanded my attention. Oh well. Such is the life.

I literally pray for supernatural strength on a regular basis, and I marvel at how I am doing as well as I am! God is good and faithful, and I know he didn't lead me to this just to watch me collapse into a state of mental mush. 

2013 will be another transforming year: my son will become a toddler, we'll probably travel again (with some hard-learned lessons under our belt), and Christmas will be even more wondrous because he'll be able to appreciate what's going on.

In the meantime, I have to remind myself to embrace today. Right now, my son is a baby who needs my direction as he figures out how his body works and discovers everything in the world around him. Right now, he drinks formula four times a day and isn't ready for a lot of solid food beyond the easily-mushable stuff. Right now, he's crawling and just starting to stand well. 

Right now is happening right now. Don't miss it.

i refuse to become a victim of fear

I had the flu last Friday, and had been up sick most of Thursday night. My mother advised me to sleep and not turn on the TV. Unquestioningly, I obliged. It wasn’t until late that afternoon, when I was on Fac.ebo.ok and saw everyone’s posts, that I learned what had happened. I have periodically wept quietly in little moments since then – in the car, in the shower, at my desk – anytime I was alone with my thoughts long enough to let the awful hideousness of the situation enter my mind. I refused to watch the news or even read blog entries talking about it.

It wasn’t until this morning, with my son at daycare and husband at work, that I was finally alone long enough to pour out my rage and grief to God. I thought, I need to know.

I need to know that I’m not raising my son, only to have him cut down mercilessly by the devil, who “…prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

I need to know that no matter how long I enjoy life with my child here on earth, we will live out eternity in Heaven.

I need to know peace.

As if in answer to this silent request, my daily devotional yesterday reminded me that there is, of course, a bigger picture.

Proverbs 24:14 (NIV)

Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:

    If you find it, there is a future hope for you,

    and your hope will not be cut off.

The Bible – especially Proverbs – is very clear that wisdom is the most important possession any of us can acquire in this life. Not money, not a wonderful relationship, nothing else replaces wisdom. And true wisdom comes only from God.

Right now a fresh battle is being waged in the war over gun control. Let me be among those who remind us that, even if consensus is reached, the government cannot give us peace. Government ultimately cannot save us or give us hope. It’s not in their power.

Not all things are knowable, but hope is the hallmark of a life of faith in God – and is exactly what the enemy wants to rob us all of. The devil wants to replace hope with fear and despair. That’s why we have to be wise to his tricks and refuse to give in, continue to look to God for wisdom, and allow His love to cover our fears, infuse us with peace, and give us the hope that only He can.

God honors prayer. Pray for the families who now must cross oceans of grief. Pray for the safety of our public (and private) spaces. Pray for those who might become the next random victims. Pray for the minds and hearts of those who might become the next perpetrators. Pray for the chains of the enemy to be broken. And refuse to become a victim of fear.

John 14:27 (NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

sleep (and the pursuit of rest), part 2

So I went to see a doc (I don't really have a primary - I just see whomever they suggest at the clinic I go to) about my sleep issues. After a brief back-and-forth, he gave me a prescription for a mild sleeping pill. I took half of one that night, half the next night. I guess I slept a little better but felt like I had a groggy hangover the next day. A few days later I took a whole pill. Slept okay, but really not any better than when I drink half a cup of hot milk - and the milk gives me calcium and vitamins that the pill does not. Plus it's just more wholesome to me; I like the idea of feeding myself something completely natural that just helps me calm down, rather than taking a chemical that forces my body to do the same. Part mind over matter. So, I've decided to stick with the milk and I think I'm making more out of this than I should. Ironically, I've slept really well the last couple of nights - probably because the boy has a horrendous cold which makes him miserable, which gives us both a lot more to do, which takes a lot of energy, which exhausts me all the more. So I'm tired but at least I'm getting a solid 7 hours of sleep a night. And that is acceptable. Until I had him, I always knew that I thrived on 8.5 hours of sleep a night and that's probably still true. One day, that sleep will come back to me. Until then, I'm leaning on God to give me just what I need every day.

I'm convinced that what I really need is a better way to rest within my mind and heart. I can't always just stop what I'm doing and chill out (yoga helps, but it's only once a week). I remembered Jesus' invitation to "take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:29 NIV) but I just didn't understand it. I wondered if 'taking up a yoke' was an expression in that day, but an expression for what? A burden? That's what it sounded like to me. I wondered what kind of burden Jesus has, and why it would be so light.

Then one day a friend posted this on her Fa.ceb.ook wall:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." http://bible.us/Matt11.28.MSG

Ohhh.... that's just what I needed to see. "Yoke" doesn't make any sense to me, but "unforced rhythms of grace" definitely does. A little gear in my soul clicked into place.

So now, before bed, I read that passage and consider each part. I am meditating on it. Every time I read it, God reveals something else to me bit by bit, angle by angle. And it occurs to me that all I really want is to be closer to Jesus. His life is the key to mine.

At our small group this week, one of the leaders asked us each to answer the question "What do you love about Jesus?" I immediately had a picture in my mind of an ocean with turbulent waves, dark clouds, swirling winds.. and in the middle of this a small island: no waves crashing on it, no rain falling on it, no clouds covering it, just perfect sand and stillness. Since I was near the end of the circle I had a few minutes to consider putting it into words. I said what I love about Jesus is that he is always an island of calm and peace, no matter what storms are going on in my life. I am finding rest for my soul, even if I constantly have to keep swimming back there.

Under my skin, or things that go bump in the night

I did something really stupid for Halloween – I watched Para.normal Acti.vity. Why was this stupid? Because, even when I understood that the movie dealt with demonic activity and possession, I kept watching. As a result, I may have slept half an hour that night. I kept the nightlight on in the bedroom for several days, looking over my shoulder at the room to make sure it stayed devoid of monsters. Eventually I switched sides with DH for the next week or so, just until the other night.

Stories of this nature have a tendency to sink under my skin and creep the heck out of me for a long time afterward. Why? That's a good question. The first time this kind of creepiness creeped me out was when I first saw The Excor.cist – I was barely a teenager – and ever since it's been a fear of mine. But I think it goes back even further.

As I tried to probe my brain, I remember when I was 6-8 years old and had frequent waking nightmares. You know, the kind where you wake up and you see someone or something until you cover your head with a blanket until the next time you open your eyes, at which point the thing is gone and you realize it was never there. Oh, you've never experienced this? I have. Many, many times. With many different "people" who looked at me or walked toward me… oh sorry, didn't mean to creep you out.

Each night after seeing that stupid movie (before I switched sides with DH), I was actually afraid of going to sleep. As if I just knew I'd wake up and something bad would happen. I know, it's totally irrational. Such is the nature of fear in this case.

I make it a habit to read my Bible every night – sometimes I go through a book, others I randomly select a passage and just start reading. One thing that brought a lot of comfort to me, and I've begun to study, was reading Psalm 91 just before turning in one night. It talks about how God literally protects those who believe in Him. I knew the Lord led me to this passage specifically, as part of it says:
"4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day..." (emphasis mine)

Wow. I can think of very few times in my life when I've come across a scripture that went straight to my soul in the midst of something going on, and this is definitely one of them.

Looking back, I suspect that I had those hallucinations as a reaction to my parents' divorce (I was six at the time). I also know now that chronic lack of sleep can result in such things. But so often, my kid brain was absolutely convinced that these hallucinations really happened. So in a way, seeing movies about people getting possessed unnerved me like nothing ever has because it reminds me of waking up in the night and seeing something that shouldn't be there.

This is no way to live, especially for a Christ-follower who has inherited the victory that He won for us on the cross. So I'm on the lookout for a solution. A few days ago, I remembered my copy of Joyce Mey.ers' Battle.field of the Mi.nd and picked it up again. I was surprised at what I read (still haven't gotten through more than 1/3 of the book). She talked about how the enemy can influence our thought lives by planting wrong ideas in there and getting us thinking about negative things. She calls them mind-binding spirits, and yes they are evil. Now don't get me wrong – I am fully aware that I have my own brain and am capable of harboring bad thoughts all by myself – but this is compelling information based on biblical truths.

It was like a light was turned on in my head, and I understood that this is probably the case for me. The author, for example, had once been an incredibly negative person and had no idea that it was her thought life, rather than her circumstances, that were robbing her of any joy in life.

Sound familiar?

Her admonition: think about what you're thinking about. Refuse to let the enemy rob you of happiness by influencing your thoughts. Instead, follow the advice of Philippians 4:8 (NIV) "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

In other words, our thought lives must be intentional. Not reactionary.

Finally, I'll be sharing my experience with my therapist this evening to see if she can provide any additional insight. She's a good one for that.

All control is an illusion, and there are no guarantees

This time last year, my life was in ashes. I had just completed a set of fertility tests, and before DH could go through his own tests, the Specialist called us into her office to deliver the news. I had age-related egg quality issues, and our chances of conceiving successfully on our own was… oh, let's just say next to none.

I spent months mourning, grieving, praying, looking for answers, and researching everything I could get my hands on. Add to that professional counseling, peer counseling from church, yoga, acupuncture, prayer from others, and anti-depressants.

Many months later, I experienced incredible physical and emotional healing by the Holy Spirit during a prayer session with my peer counselor. Soon after, I became pregnant.

Today, I still am pregnant: 22 weeks and expecting a baby boy in February.

I could say something pithy like "What a difference a year makes." But the big question is: What happened?

Let me tell you what I believe: I believe that God has chosen to first heal my heart from the years of fear and aching that kept me from wanting to have a baby, followed by the fear to try again and insurmountable depression in the face of a diagnosis of destruction. I also believe that God answered my prayer to conceive a child by healing me.

So what does that mean? That everything is smooth sailing for the rest of my life, that I shouldn't expect anything bad to happen, that this kid is guaranteed to be perfect in every way?

Of course not.

But it does mean something undeniably powerful and true: That God does not give up on us, that real healing is possible – emotional and physical, that there is hope beyond our circumstances, and that the end is never the end if we choose to trust God.

I also know that there are no guarantees in this life. None but one, which is the reality of God and his unchanging, transforming love for us. I also know that I cannot control these things. I can manage some things and even be successful in some areas, but ultimately all control is an illusion.

I choose to put my faith and trust in Him, and to embrace hope and let go of control, and as a result I worry less about what might happen. If something horrible does happen, I know He won't abandon me but will carry me through it.

I think it took the events of this past couple of years for me to understand these truths, and I only hope that my story gives others encouragement – even though my story isn't finished.

The Great Physician

I truly believe that God has healed me. There, I said it. Committed it to the blogosphere. Why? Because, I have asked for it. I have been led to parts of the Bible that talk about how critical a role faith plays in how God interacts with us.

This one really hit hard one night:

James 1:5-7, NIV
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (emphasis mine)

I have been looking at how people have experienced healing throughout the Bible. Whether it was fertility, or sickness, or blindness or anything else, there is a consistency: faith and interaction. People acted out of faith; prayed in faith; believed wholeheartedly. I don't see anyone who said something like "Well, I've prayed about it but who knows what will happen from here." I'm not saying that never ran through someone's head. Who am I to project?

As for interaction, it always involved more than one person - whether that was a husband, a wife, a priest, a friend, a whole community, or Jesus himself - people prayed for each other for healing.

Now, I'm going to admit that I can't help the thoughts that come to my head that usually start with "what if." However, I am recognizing them as doubt and focusing on God instead.

As if to prove His point, today the message in my mailbox underscored my belief. I subscribe to a daily devotional from Rebecca Barlow Jordan. Here's today's entry:

Day 166

THE GREAT PHYSICIAN

"I am the Lord,
who heals you."
Exodus 15:26

From the Father's Heart
My child, rest in Me. I have given you a prescription for healthy living. When you allow your body to stress out and destructive emotions to run rampant, My healing cannot come. I am not only the mender of broken bones and dreams, but I am the restorer of broken hearts and lives. I am the great physician, and I care for all My patients with tenderness and love.

A Grateful Response
Lord, I bring the pains of a wounded heart and the aches of a broken body to You. I feel Your personal presence surrounding me with quiet assurance. Your touch releases my pent-up emotions, and healing flows through me like a fountain. Lord, You are my great physician.

Simple Truth
God's home is where we can hang our hurts.

How Fear or Unbelief Limits God in Our Lives

i found the most amazing blog from a woman of faith today and just had to share this with you. yes, she's been knocked down by the infertility stick, but her story is full of encouragement for those of us who struggle with our faith even as we overcome (or endure) incredible obstacles.

the topic i'm reading today: limiting God (part 2)

favorite phrase of the day: "...I have to start seeing myself pregnant..." this has actually been an evolving theme for me. between a dream about being told to see something to a brief encounter during a workout when i felt the command "i want you to see this" followed by a vision of my own pregnancy, delivery, and holding a baby, i can sense that this is something i need to do. now.

doubt has been plaguing me, and i reject it right now.