a blessing for mothers of young children

I came across this on someone else's blog and, after getting choked up a bit, knew I needed to repost it. Be encouraged!

"Oh, Mothers of young children, I bow before you in reverence. Your work is most holy. You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls. The powers folded up in the little ones that you hushed to sleep in your bosoms last night, are powers that shall exist forever. You are preparing them for their immortal destiny and influence. Be faithful. Take up your sacred burden reverently. Be sure that your life is sweet and clean."

-JR Miller, a 19th century preacher, The Family

audiobooks for long commutes

Since my commute is so long (30-40 min each way), and because as a working mom I have precious little time for reading books but love learning, listening to audiobooks seems the best way to get in some more reading time.

Total number of books I've listened to so far? 0. Until now.

A few days ago I started listening to the audiobook version of The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief by Francis S. Collins. Our pastor cited it a couple months ago, and stated that there is room in some people’s worldview for both creation and evolution. I had intended to read it since then, since I’d like to learn more about the integration of faith and modern scientific discoveries about the universe -- particularly from the perspective of a former atheist.

The book is fascinating. It makes me want to delve deeper into science. I remembered recently that, despite the fact that I'd been kicked out of high school no fewer than three times for lack of attendance and my senior year was defined by an extra-heavy load of day and night classes in order to graduate with my class, astronomy was actually my favorite subject. It was my only B in an ocean of Cs and Ds.

This morning, as I was listening to the fourth chapter which deals with quantum physics, I was reminded of one truth about myself: I have never felt so alive as when I am learning. Case in point: several years ago I attended a six-week lecture course on basic human anatomy and disease at the local natural history museum -- a fun course designed for high school and college students (or anyone else) who wanted a brief overview before making a decision about medical school. Why? Three reasons: I was curious, it was free, and I had time on my hands. I also love being around smart people and gleaning insight from their knowledge.

Sometimes I wish I'd pursued a science career (not med school though -- I like research more than taking care of others). Why pursue such knowledge now? I don't know. No reason not to. I think I will get old when I decide there is nothing worth learning about anymore.

Maybe there’s a good reason I currently work for an aerospace company?

new (to me) ministry: parenting after infertility

Okay, so I've just told you all that I'm procrastinating against a small mountain of work. Still true. When that happens, I'm usually randomly searching for who-knows-what on the Internet - trolling blogs, searching for new ones, getting caught up on Consumer Reports - anything to re-shuffle my brain until I'm ready to work again.

Anyway, I came across this website and I can't believe I've never heard of it. Then again, how does one hear of these sorts of things when infertility is usually a social taboo? And once you become a mom, it's all roses and rainbows and happily ever after, right?

If, like me, you've walked through the very dark valley of infertility (or still do) and are now a parent, you might want to check this out. Parenting after Infertility & Loss. They have a blog too.

Why would there be a ministry for moms like us? Oh, I can think of a few reasons. The odd combination of bliss + guilt + remembered pain, for starters. The agonizing decision of whether to try again or decide that you've been dealt the best hand you're gonna get and leave the poker table, for another.

Okay, I guess I'm ready to work some more. Happy Friday!

Sorry, was that a little abrupt? Almost like there's a bit more bubbling below the surface than normal motherhood angst and it's getting pushed down. ;)

my adventures in self-care

Okay, I wouldn't go so far as to call them "adventures," but I am looking for ways to make my pregnancy and birth more comfortable and less stressful. I know, I can just show up and grab the anesthesiologist to stick that needle in my back. But there's more to it than that - at least for me.

As I've said before, this is a huge challenge for me. So whatever I can do to improve serenity and health is worth doing. Nevermind those cookies, ice cream and candies that I can't stay out of!

Case in point: Hypno.babies

Last week in the childbirth prep class, they took us on a tour of the birthing center (kind of a hybrid birth center & hospital). It was very pleasant and informative. Later we watched a documentary profiling three women who used epidurals and gave descriptions of the process, etc. I was interested in it, but I noticed that my palms were sweating and I was starting to feel a bit sick. I excused myself to go use the restroom and hung out in the hallway for a while. It was a mild panic attack, which went away as soon as I left the room.

After this experience, I knew I had to do something about my subliminal reaction to the whole thing. My coworker lent me this home study course a month ago but I hadn't touched it. I downloaded all the tracks onto my iPod and started listening this week. So far I must say it is relaxing and is helping me, but I think I'm falling asleep each time I listen. The course says that's okay, as the subconscious mind still absorbs the information, so I'm not worried about it. I'll keep listening/sleeping and go through them all.

Second case in point: herbal teas

I have been reading through various sources of herbal support for pregnancy, mostly looking for consistency across different authors. Safety is critical, of course. Two herbs that I've decided to drink in tea form daily until the baby's born are nettle and red raspberry leaf. Both are called uterine tonics - kind of an odd expression, but basically it helps prepare the muscles for expansion and contraction. That, in turn, makes birthing easier and less painful - maybe even shorter - and recovery quicker.

I haven't ruled out the wildly popular epidural - I'm about 70% in favor of it at this point, since I make no assumptions about how my birthing experience will be. But I am all about supporting my body and mind in this stage, and treating childbirth like a mere medical event instead of the rite of passage that it is feels hollow.

In case you're curious, one of my book sources is Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year, Susun S Weed.

Progress Report

Just got back from the doc – strong heartbeat, 2 hands and 2 feet, and we saw the little bub moving around in there (doc asked me if I wanted to break out the camera phone to record the heartbeat. I said "naahhh"). Looking more babylike and less bloblike. My next (12.5 week) appt. is Aug. 11 so we are looking forward to that.

We will celebrate by…exhaling.

You may return to your regularly scheduled blog viewing.

Only thing was... she took one quick measurement and it read 9.2 weeks, not 10.2 weeks like I should be. Then again, she admitted that the regular ultrasound operator may take a different reading that would show a different age estimate. What.. me? Worry? I'm going to not focus on that little blip on the radar. I will accept what I know for sure.

In the meantime, I ordered a copy of Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It's been around for several years but I think it's time I read it.

My Children in Heaven

Last night I was reading part of this book called Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back. It’s fascinating and a quick read. Anyway, there is this one part where Colton (the little boy) walks up to his mom and says “I have two sisters.” He goes on to tell her that one died in her tummy (true), and he met her while he was in Heaven.

It made me cry. I cried with relief, I guess, knowing that my husband and I have two children in Heaven that the Father has adopted and are waiting anxiously for us. I better quit thinking about it or I’ll get weepy again. I am at work, after all.

I had trouble sleeping as a result (though it could have been the Mexican food too).

I do recommend this book. It is beautiful and innocent. Not the best-edited book I've ever read, since it was written by the boy's father, but still fascinating reading and very thought-provoking.

How Fear or Unbelief Limits God in Our Lives

i found the most amazing blog from a woman of faith today and just had to share this with you. yes, she's been knocked down by the infertility stick, but her story is full of encouragement for those of us who struggle with our faith even as we overcome (or endure) incredible obstacles.

the topic i'm reading today: limiting God (part 2)

favorite phrase of the day: "...I have to start seeing myself pregnant..." this has actually been an evolving theme for me. between a dream about being told to see something to a brief encounter during a workout when i felt the command "i want you to see this" followed by a vision of my own pregnancy, delivery, and holding a baby, i can sense that this is something i need to do. now.

doubt has been plaguing me, and i reject it right now.